Excerpt from my to-be published book “THE TROUBLES WITH THE BANANA PEDDLER” by Nyakundi Amenya
…….the old unroadworthy Bodaboda carrying me arrived at TV remises where Kanze Dena worked at exactly three minutes past one. We were late because my rider had evaded three road-blocks to avoid arrest. The only thing he had as required by the law was his body. No license, no helmets, (his and the passenger’s), no insurance and no reflector jackets. The bike was worse. The only thing it managed though by luck, was to move.
Citizen TV studio looked more decent than I imagined. I was set to meet my online sweetheart for the first time.
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AMAZING LOVE LETTER to Citizen TV’s Kanze Dena, from a long time Secret Admirer
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Kanze Dena was a news anchor, a public relations expert and an advertising executive at Citizen TV. She also moonlighted at KBC, her former employee and also the nurturer of her career. She was one of the finest products of journalism.
In her early twenties, with a slender, provocative figure, Kanze was extremely pulchritudinous with an exciting and exotic look with sloe, sparkling eyes, slightly high cheekbones, and smooth honey coloured hair, which she wore short and elegantly simple. She was even strikingly beautiful in person than on TV. I had said before in my letter that God must have been showing off whi creating her. Her grandmother had once told her, “My granddaughter, if you have beauty and brains, and have a vagina, you can own the entire world.” Besides her beauty, she had an IQ of 180 and nature took care of the rest.
However, Kanze discovered that her looks disadvantaged her because men feared her. Citizen TV had more than four hundred men but no one was worth his onions as to try to get to know her. That was a blessing in disguise for me. When Kanze was hired by Citizen from KBC, it took her less than a day to learn that she was more intelligent than all of her colleagues. She elected to keep that kept to herself nevertheless.
The only man who had the guts to make romantic advancements Kanze was her immediate boss Mr. Makwapa. Makwapa was short, unhandsome with dark, unruly hair, and an ugly smile. Although he spoke with a deep conviction, the terrible stench that came from his mouth destroyed every nostril it saluted. No one except Kanze was courageous enough to face him while talking to him. The carcass of a dead dog smells better.
But no sooner had he tried to make a move, than Kanze stopped him very simply. “Try that nonsense again and I’ll quit”
The simple remark from her put killed the seduction story. Makwapa had to bend low because Kanze was extremely valuable an employee to lose.
When I entered her office, Kanze looked expectantly at me. She stared at me unamused. I stood there at a loss. I did not find the right words to tell her.
“Good afternoon ma’am”
“Good afternoon. How are you gentleman?”
I am approximately fine madam”
“So, tell me, what brings you to my office?”
“You see madam, I never meant to hurt you….”
“Just go straight to the point young man and stop wasting my time. I have three meetings scheduled for this evening”
Without hesitation, I moved close to her table and took her hand into mine and said softly, “My name is Banana Peddler and I love you so much Kanze…Marry me please”
Words started pouring as if they had a life of their own. But before I finished the last word, I found myself down on the ground. My eyes could not see properly until a few moments later. I later realized that a slap had landed on my eyes although I did not see it coming…..