Recently, I nearly got into a fight with a feisty, angry, short man, who looked like he packed quite a good punch. My height may have rescued me, but deep down, I knew the guy was capable of carrying me like those Spanish bulls in Catalonia.
What happened is that earlier on in the club, his girlfriend had started flirting with me, you know, the usual eye-fucking inside the clubs. Or rather I had started it. Along the way, one of the guys in their table noticed my dirty behaviour.
When I signaled the girl to the washroom for a hug, maybe a peck, and her number, the guy followed us to the loo, and when he got there, he found me in the corridor waiting for his girl like a thief. He gave me the look. Do you know that look that is so full of hatred it stirs something in you. I politely walked back to my seat and remained forever alert, lest the creepy kijana tested the strength of my head with a Tusker Cider Bottle.
He sat facing me, and I sat facing him and for a while, we did a bit of ball and d*ck measuring. He really felt good intimidating the tallest man in Kajiado into submission. He had changed his look from one of hatred to a creepy smirk. Spoiling for a fight. Because he dared me, I decided to up one on him. Norah didn’t give birth to a fool. I generously tipped the waiter I know and offered her firm instructions to get me her number and left the place.
Two hours later, I had the number and I have been vibing the girl. She is an extremely funny girl and she brightens my day and holds quite a low opinion on the guy.
Here is the thing guys. I have noticed a lot of men date girls who they know very well can’t be faithful and start acting very insecure around the girls. And there is no man who suffers more heart attacks than an insecure man. You die so many deaths before she actually dumps you or leaves you to die.
One of the commonest shit tests women put men through is pitying one man against the other. Women derive immense pleasure when two hapless dudes fight over them. And there is no shortage of wanaume mandazi who give women this singular pleasure. Don’t be the man.
It happens especially in parties, night clubs or crowds where your woman starts to flirt openly in your presence just to test your reaction. She will hug the alpha in the room a bit too tightly, laugh at the driest jokes a bit too loudly, can get overly touchy, and can ignore you like blinder in the kitchen window. The standard response of most men is to get angry, tighten their lips, or the lips begin to twitcht and often most men pull their women to the side and force them to go home earlier than usual, followed by a nasty fight. The woman will respond to the fight in three ways: if she not ready to lose you, she will apologise and assuage your ego, maybe ride you until you are satisfied that you are the Putin of her Russia. Secondly, if she doesn’t fancy you that much, she will be very dismissive and call you insecure. Thirdly, if she wants out, she will call you insecure and rightfully leave you.
Another way is your girl telling you about men who are seducing her, and how she doesn’t feel those men’s vibes. She is not being honest with you. She is trying to make you envious that guys want her out here and you are privileged to have her. For guys girls don’t want, they handle it on their own without involving anyone. Girls reject a lot of men daily and don’t even bother to broadcast to anyone. But if she comes to you and tells you that so and so is bothering her, or some boss, or some colleague, just know she is testing your resolve as a man, and many men fail this simple test.
The only response as a man, is a strategic, “helpless” simple question, “Sasa utado?”
The Nigerian people have a saying that he who has a yam and the knife knows how to distribute it.
Any adult woman knows how to fend off unwanted male attention or desire. But what we forget in the seduction and mating landscape, often it is a two-way lane. Commonly a woman will signal a man to seduce her, especially if in close proximity.
All the numbers I have taken in clubs (and I have taken a hundreds of them) started with a signal, commonly in the presence of the boyfriend. I used to think that I am genius for this, until I realised every Tom, Dick and Harry, and especially Dicks are so good at it, it requires no brains. At all. Kabisa.
I have approached other women who uprightly and upfront told me they don’t give numbers to creeps. They didn’t send me a signal, mixed or not. They were quite loyal to their men. The rest, it is always a game.
Thing is, if any man walked into a room with his girlfriend and there were a bunch of other men, maybe some alphas, every man intuitively and instinctively will know which man in the group his girl will want and which man in the group can sleep with his girl if he wanted. We know the energies and our instincts as men have a 99.997 % accuracy. Most men who understand their frame don’t fret about it. The situational awareness helps them to look for the signs. Some men lack the awareness and act insecure to their detriment. Remember the more insecure you are, the more she will test you. Women love risks. A lot.
I have lost women to friends, and to enemies and I could look back to the point where the flirting started. I have caught friends spanking the girls who had accompanied me to an event or to see them, and I didn’t see the girls resist or call out the man.
The immediate question would be, “kwani, what kind of girls do you think out with? Or who are these your disrespectful friends?
Lemme tell you guys. I have gone out with all sorts of women. From 20-year-old college going with ratchet behaviour to the most urbane, uptown, corporate, 30+ women. The rules of the game are the same. There are those who are faithful and self-respecting. But they are more of a minority. How about my male friends: well some are just, how do I put this? Tuseme ni mafisi tu.
You learn four quick things as you age.
- It is us men who put so much premium on sex. To put it crudely, on their own, women don’t value or see sex as a big deal, hence the phrase, “hii kitu si sabuni”. It is our attachment to it, our worshipping that troubles us. You notice a woman can sleep with brothers or even friends, and it can break the friendship or the brotherhood of men, when she won’t even be bothered.
So guys, it is OK, even moral to put premium in sex, but it won’t get you too far. This is tied to the oneitis. Most men who have overcome this fear, this attachment tend to live much more freely, unbothered with what a woman does with her body, when, and where and how.
- You don’t test a woman’s loyalty to you by being insecure. By tapping her phone. By controlling her movement. By calling and texting her like a teenager. You test a woman’s loyalty by setting her free. Take to meet your richer friends.
Not to test her but observe how she acts and reacts to their overtures. Many a time, this simple test has helped me weed out the wheat from the chaff. And I never blame any woman who wants to weigh on more options. It helps me to know that she ain’t cut for me and she belongs to the streets.
- It helps to know that you can lose a wan any time. This saves you a lot of unnecessary investments emotionally or financially. Doesn’t mean that you become mediocre, but you learn to invest the most necessary and do your best, but you keep an open mind. They shift goal posts pretty fast. You don’t want to be someone who has to adjust to her wants and needs constantly to prove your worth.
Shit tests are part of intersexual dynamics. We put women through them. And they always return the favour. There is only one cure to SHIT-TESTS: ignore them, guard your frame. Do what is right. Do what is best. But if your best is not good enough, open the door to the front, take her to the gate of your apartment, onto the main gate of your estate and back to the streets.
Lastly, develop an abundance mindset. Whether you are dating a Rihanna, there is always an Ariana Grande. J- Lol? There is always a Toni Braxton.
Happy weekend folks.
PS: Next up is Memo No. 100 which will bring closure to this chapter of my life.
To appreciate my efforts grab the book of memos that is available around independent bookstores in Nairobi and can he sent anywhere in the country. Inbox me.
For those who want a signed one, that is what I like the most.
Buy those books, because it is so hot, and need to cool down with a lager or something with rocks.